doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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