Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
