Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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