thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
