Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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