I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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