i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
