I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
