I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
