Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
