btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
