I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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