my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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