my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
