Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
