The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
