ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
