I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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