singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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