the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
