you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
