Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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