Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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