Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
