I think I died a long time ago.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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