Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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