The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
