Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
