I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
