Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
