All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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