What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
