dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
