My friends, they love my intelligence
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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