She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Duck Duck Cougar?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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