in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
