Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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