what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
