She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
