No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
