so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
