Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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