Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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