I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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