and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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