Just took my morning after pill in the library
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Hippo gnu deer
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
