ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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