I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
