Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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