Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
