I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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