well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
