Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
