Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
