The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
