i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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