I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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