yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
