...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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