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glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she told me i tasted like america
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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