I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night