I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It all started with a game of naked twister.