Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
