Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
