the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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