STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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