no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
