Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Congratulations! We have a period
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