I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
