ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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