How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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