...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
