can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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