cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
