I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
