you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
