My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
