remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
