Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
