apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
