Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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