Pappa wants mamma naked
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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