How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
